So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
