I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
