People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
