Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.