No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
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who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.