Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.