are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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