I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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