I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
