I haven't been this sober since birth.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
