lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
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he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.