The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
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The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company