They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4