Im at strip club and am horny
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
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You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
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I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.