Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers