So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
