a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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