Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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