He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
