Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.