so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.