I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.