dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Women Confess The Weirdest Things Men Wanted From Them
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.