We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?