Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions