Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
