so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
