can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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