508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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