She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
