he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
