i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
