Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize