I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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