Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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