What a fucking waste of an outfit
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is classic penis vs brain.
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