You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
