How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
