This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
