im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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