worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
