So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
