Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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