Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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