i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
