So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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