The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
