I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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