Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
