But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
