I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
