I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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