so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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