i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize