I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
