I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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