I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Screwed.edu
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
