piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
