and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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