Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
