can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
