the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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