Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We need to rekindle our bromance
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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