Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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