it was like eating out sand paper
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
