I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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