just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
