i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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