found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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