all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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