just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
