hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
