I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
