I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
