I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
