Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
