you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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