I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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