Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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