Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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